Need a Laugh?

[restoman]

A friend sent me this e-mail. Enjoy!

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*Here are 6 reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!


Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow
job?" I turned around and walked back out and never
went back. My
husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with men's
balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store
that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied,
"No,I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started
to laugh
hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget it.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

*While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was
finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance
from other patrons. I told her that if she did not
start behaving
"right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she
looked me
in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let
me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's
pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the
last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me,
were screams
of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

*Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped
at
Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was
very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she
was clean. I realized that Danny had not asked to go
potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I
kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
have any
clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE
you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must
have had an
accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have
an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
over and
spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better by thanking
me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:

*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2
days and a
very embarassed female news anchor who will, in the
future, likely
think before she speaks:

What happens when you predict
snow
but don't get any... a true story... We had a female
news anchor
who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to
the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8
inches you
promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but
half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

*

Comments

[a-trick-mind.livejournal.com]

Those are classic. I loved them. Puts me in mind of a comment from my sister-in-law, Tim's sister who is a doctor. She and her husband were hosting a cocktail party for some of the faculty and med students and all of a sudden the conversation halted while everyone listened to a strange noise that sounded like ball bearings being rolled across the floor. My S-I-L said, "Oh, pay no attention. That is just a squirrel up in the attic playing with his nuts."

Rick

[oz-bandicoot.livejournal.com]

Thanks Glenn! Steve and I have just had a good chuckle at #5!